This is my box of rocks. There are many like it, but this one is mine. You can’t have my box of rocks, you get your own. Rocks may only be viewed, not touched, some are very sharp and can damage fragile snowflakes.
This box of rocks reflects the thoughts, opinions, ideas, and body odor of myself; it does not reflect the thoughts, opinions, ideas, and/or body odor of my company, my friends, my neighbors, my fish, my roses, my dog, or my trash. All rights reserved, all lefts reserved. This box of rocks is subject to change without notice. Rocks are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to other rocks is unintentional and purely coincidental. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Forget the dog, beware of owner. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Type hard, you are making five copies. This box of rocks are provided “as is” without any warranties expressed or implied. User assumes all liabilities. Not liable for damages due to use or misuse or inability to understand. An equal opportunity electron employer. No shirt, no shoes, no rocks. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Falling bridge. London bridge is falling down, falling down, help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. Rocks may vary. Since all rocks in this box are hand-crafted, there will be slight differences in each rock. If defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. No Parking. No Standing. No Solicitors. No Spitting. No Kidding. Posted no Bills. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No anchovies please. Parental Advisory – explicit comments. No one under 17 admitted. Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children. Limit one per family. No money down. No purchase necessary. Cache and carry. You do not need to be present to win. Odds of winning depends on how much you spend. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Action figures sold separately. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. Ring bell for service. All rocks are over 18 years of age. Available in fine shoe stores everywhere. Small rocks can present a choking hazard to children of parents who do not think before giving them toys. Take a number please. Product has not been tested by the FDA. Preservatives added to improve freshness. Safety goggles must be worn at all times. Hard hat area. Sealed for your protection. The rock stops here. Call before you dig. Add toner. Sanitized for your protection. Place stamp here. How about a nice game of chess? External use only. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use and consult your magic eight ball. Use only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures. Store in a cool dry place. Refrigerate after opening. Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes. Avoid contact with eyes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Use correct line voltage. If this box of rocks begins to smoke, run, do not walk, towards the nearest exit. Do not place near any magnetic source. Smoking these rocks may be hazardous to your health. Stop playing with that atomic pile. You are not in Kansas any more. I/O, I/O, its off to work I go. Slippery when wet. Do not exceed recommended daily allowance. For office use only. Not affiliated with the CIA. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. A proud sponsor of the local chapter of the old rockers home. Text used on this blog are made from 100% recycled electrons. No left turn. No right turn. No u-turn. No outlet. No inlet. How the hell did you get here anyways? Prosecutors will be violated. No animals were used to test the performance of these rocks. No extra salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. If symptoms persist, delete yourself immediately. If you suspect an overwrought metaphor, skip it. Constantly volatile when exposed to static pointers. The white zone is for passenger loading and unloading only. Do you like gladiator movies? Content’s under pressure. Restaurant package, not for resale. First pull up, then pull down. This box of rocks does not carry cash. Auto pilot is engaged during flight. Do not throw rocks while inside glass houses. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Free rocks offer valid only at participating sites. Slightly higher outside of the continental US. Allow four to six seconds for delivery. What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women. Motor vehicles only. Actually, I am a mouse in the middle of an incredibly complicated plot to take over the world. This disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of Bob, misuse, neglect, repair, attempted modification, fossilized bugs in the rocks, damage from improper installation, incorrect line voltage, cosmic rays, missing or altered serial numbers, attempting to actually open the box of rocks, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, and incidents related to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, alien attack, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, winter storm warnings, forest fire, flying squirrels, verbal assaults, military takeovers, or house arrest. Other restrictions may apply. Your mileage may vary. This way to the egress.